Ola and I have a friend -- Agata Pierzchała (Pearsh-OW-wha) -- who started as my friend about six or seven years ago. She was then studying English at the university in Poznan, and I needed help with translations. She's very tall -- about 185 cm, I think -- very beautiful, always very cheerful, and a lot of fun to be with. She's now about 26. She switched her studies from English to French, then got into a financial fight with the university, and has never finished her degree. It hasn't kept her back. She's never had trouble finding jobs -- a combination of attractiveness, honesty, attitude and intelligence -- and has tried loads of things. Having worked for a Polish mid-level women's clothing retailer in Poznan, she was offered a chance to manage their shop in Gdansk. That worked out fine, but she missed Poznan, and so found an even better job here and moved back. Onward and upward, or Je ne regret rien.
The impression I want to convey is of someone who doesn't belabour things, or indulge herself unnecessarily, but simply gets on with whatever needs doing. Or whatever she wants to do. Or both. She doesn't have children herself yet (she's just 26), but she's comfortable and confident around them. Judging from Chris, they like her too.
Chris, who has not entered the stage of shyness around strangers, immediately fell in love with Agata, and she with him (though perhaps a bit more with Meg, who is as cute as a button and has begun smiling a lot). I was in the kitchen cleaning, putting away food, and finally preparing something to eat. Ola and Agata were cooing over the brood. Chris's bathtime quickly passed, and about 9.15 the first attempt was made to get him into bed. He was not having any of it. Ola worries whenever he cries, and he has quickly learned that crying will throw her off-balance. She is convinced that crying means trauma. As a result, whenever he cries she tries to intervene and take a very active role in soothing him. You can almost read the "Trickster" sign flashing over his wee noggin.
Chris, who has not entered the stage of shyness around strangers, immediately fell in love with Agata, and she with him (though perhaps a bit more with Meg, who is as cute as a button and has begun smiling a lot). I was in the kitchen cleaning, putting away food, and finally preparing something to eat. Ola and Agata were cooing over the brood. Chris's bathtime quickly passed, and about 9.15 the first attempt was made to get him into bed. He was not having any of it. Ola worries whenever he cries, and he has quickly learned that crying will throw her off-balance. She is convinced that crying means trauma. As a result, whenever he cries she tries to intervene and take a very active role in soothing him. You can almost read the "Trickster" sign flashing over his wee noggin.
Agata and I were in the kitchen listening on the baby monitor as Ola and Chris were having their tug of war in the kids's room. He cried and she soothed him, or tried to distract or amuse him, or all of the above. Agata, whose confidence is both genuine and justified, finally said to me. "Ola should stop talking to him. If she decides to be with him when he goes to sleep, that doesn't mean that she has to play with him or amuse him. She's giving him reasons to stay up. It's enough for her to be there. By engaging with him, she's only prolonging the whole thing."
I think she's right, but I hadn't thought about it in those specific terms. It is usually I, not Ola, who puts Chris to sleep. After he bathes, at about 8, we read or play together in a semi-darkened room, with music playing softly in the background. At 9-ish the main light goes out, leaving only the LED light coming from the music system and the air purifier, which together make just enough light to count as a nightlight.
At that point I become sleepy even if Chris doesn't. Something Pavlovian about darkened rooms. He generally continues to play, sometimes asking me to read to him -- though there is no longer enough light to do so. He and I do not speak much or engage, but he knows I am there. He sometimes comes over to me and gives me a kiss or curls up on my arms, but usually he carries on with whatever he is doing and I sooner or later fall asleep. This drives Ola crazy, since she thinks being there for him involves being able to talk to him, play with him, interact with him, and most of all watch out for him, until he falls asleep.
Were I able to stay awake, I probably would. But for as long as I can remember a darkened room has caused me to fall asleep. I have missed the first act of many operas because of this phenomenon. But last night, listening to Ola interacting with Chris, and listening as well to Agata's critique, I realized that with me Chris gets into far less drama at sleep time. He plays. I become quiet and eventually fall asleep. He runs out of things to do and falls asleep too.
At that point he is often not in his bed, but on the floor (which is thickly carpeted, and so both warm and soft). I wake up within an hour of falling asleep -- I have entered that phase of life when I have to pee several times a night. I transfer him to his bed. He nearly always sleeps through the night. Lately, he awakes at 8.15 each morning with uncanny precision.
I asked Agata to talk to Ola about this, and I think she did. At least Ola seems less worried about it all.
At that point I become sleepy even if Chris doesn't. Something Pavlovian about darkened rooms. He generally continues to play, sometimes asking me to read to him -- though there is no longer enough light to do so. He and I do not speak much or engage, but he knows I am there. He sometimes comes over to me and gives me a kiss or curls up on my arms, but usually he carries on with whatever he is doing and I sooner or later fall asleep. This drives Ola crazy, since she thinks being there for him involves being able to talk to him, play with him, interact with him, and most of all watch out for him, until he falls asleep.
Were I able to stay awake, I probably would. But for as long as I can remember a darkened room has caused me to fall asleep. I have missed the first act of many operas because of this phenomenon. But last night, listening to Ola interacting with Chris, and listening as well to Agata's critique, I realized that with me Chris gets into far less drama at sleep time. He plays. I become quiet and eventually fall asleep. He runs out of things to do and falls asleep too.
At that point he is often not in his bed, but on the floor (which is thickly carpeted, and so both warm and soft). I wake up within an hour of falling asleep -- I have entered that phase of life when I have to pee several times a night. I transfer him to his bed. He nearly always sleeps through the night. Lately, he awakes at 8.15 each morning with uncanny precision.
I asked Agata to talk to Ola about this, and I think she did. At least Ola seems less worried about it all.
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